May 21, 2010

Combat, War and Forgiveness: A Father and Son's Perspective

My son and I talk about some our his and mine shared memories that we have never spoken about. Edited somewhat...he needs no introduction...

Anthony said...
Well I am the son of Scott A. Lee, and the person mentioned above is a moron. I've lived through the same situation, not the war but the after effects and anguish that I and my family suffered for years. So back off of it if you have not experienced it first hand, I too witnessed the drugs, and alcoholism and the narcissism at our pain.

I was physically and mentally beatin down for years and years, but my defense for that was turning cold to the world and people in general because of the pain, I have been hit, dragged across the room, screamed at and punched. I've had my hair pulled, I've been called names. I remember the manic states of panic my father was in at night frantically looking around, out the windows and so on then we would start beating, not hitting but beating her, then I would scream and cuss him out then he would come after me then I would run and hide. I was horrified for years many years full of hate and disdain for what I lived through what my family was put through...all the beatings and lies, betrayel and distrust, the discord, so do not insult the victims with your flawed ideology.

PTSD is real yes how could somebody not suffer after the chaos of war? In my closing statement, I wish to say I am now past the hate [and that] I let that go shortly after I turned 18. I looked at you and forgave you one day out of the blue for everything you have ever done to me but most of all my brother and mother. It was a massive weight off my shoulders. But know [this] I will never forget it, to all on here what does not kill you makes you stronger.......(sorry if there are any errors I am on a smartphone)
Anthony said...
The her above is my mother I should have put that in there. It was the senseless beatings for no reason. Is PTSD a hundred percent to blame? No, but a big part of it is and yes it is real PTSD.
Scott A. Lee said...
Yes thank you Anthony you are absolutely correct. Well done on a smartphone, we can feel the passion in your voice coming through. My son has grown beyond my years at the age of 22.


  1. Whoa.. I read then re-read this about four times! Anthony is a perceptive and insightful individual. I am not really qualified to comment beyond that, as I have not lived through such horrific experiences.

    You two are blessed to have each other.

  2. That he is, he has an open mind to many things. Wise beyond his years.

  3. Thanks PTSD caregiver.I am 21 years old not 22 by the way...Anyways yes it has been hard but to live threw the dark days, days of shadow and pain years of hate because of the pain anger at my parent for leaving me and causing me pain and abusing me when he was around.I hated most things for a long time I was cold to most people but for a reason I refused to be hurt by anybody.But I let that go and now I love life the people in it I still refuse to be hurt again but that's because I am strong at mind and heart.I do not regret what has happened to me that is for somebody else I took my pain and abuse and created an iron cast will that cannot be broken, so if anybody else has suffered as my family and I have suffered I hope this helps you and you find peace within my words.

  4. Wow! As Anthony's mother and knowing him better then anybody, I had know idea he remembered as much as he is now starting to tell me. He was so young when all of it started. I regret that my children were put threw all they were but, without having went threw what Anthony did he wouldn't be the man he is today. What doesn't kill us absoluely makes us stronger. We had some rough patches over the years Anthony, his brother and I, having been threw what we have been threw has made us be able to withstand more then most. Anthony has overcome a great deal. He is an amazing individual. It was the most difficult thing I've been threw in my life. When Scott would go after one of our children I would get in front of him and take the brunt of what could've potentially been harmful to one of them. You see i'd rather it be me instead of them. I'm deeply sorry to the both of our boys for having them go threw that. Our youngest son has very few memories of the events back then, for that I'm eternally grateful. Anthony has a remarkable memory. I'm not sure if that's a good thing in this instance.

  5. Hello Positive, everyone let me introduce my ex-wife. I asked her to come here to comment on some of the writing here. Thank you for joining us. She asked me, "Seriously?"

    I needed the whole truth or this new mission would not work; A Coalition of Combat PTSD Bloggers. "These women writing here are the same age as Positive was and maybe, just maybe she can give them some insight into avoiding the onslaught of Combat PTSD" (S. Lee).

    I want to have both my son and my ex-wife to write here eventually, then we will have 5 writers. For now though I want them to get the feel of the website and learn how it operates before they become PASP(1)™ writers.

    So, they are very opinionated as to be expected, but they will tell it like it is and they are amazed that I want to hear it. I am putting up instead of shutting up as they say. Don't hold back ladies and gentlemen, these two can take care of themselves.

  6. awesome look forward to hearing more...


  7. Yes I know I can hang with the best arguements.So please anybody please feel free to ask anything at all, or if you want any advice at all I will give you my ways to deal with mental anguish of any kind, but it is my way and for me it works even tho some people would not

    So anyway another thing I forgot to mention is as followed, after all the turmoil and abuse I suffered we got away out of a Hell hole of darkness and shadow we were free from physical abuse and a ten year custody battle where my mothers name was dragged threw the mud and where she got full custod of my sibling and myself.A new form of terror emerged from the fire and brimstone of my past sorrows my father started stalking us,knocking on our windows making noise standing at our windows, calling the phone not saying anything sometimes making threats.He did this for several year because my brother and myself had no desire what so ever to go back to the abyss of pain and torcher I remember oh so well.We moved on I did not want him back in my life at all in no form because at this point my hate was at its highest level.I was done I locked away all of my emotions even love there was only hate.But then one day it just stopped.

    It would be a few years before anything else was heard and this time was great, a time of peace.Then one day there my father was I did not give him the time of day for a while because he made me physically to look at.Then it took a while but I finally started talking to him.Only to be let down again by false words and lies again you see, this was followed by some hardcore drug abuse not really sure the exact kind but he was doing it choosing drugs over my brother and I and that was it for me his last leg I was done I let him have it over the phone as my hate boiled back to life as I screamed I hated him and always had I do not remember everything I said because if my rage but I remember that, but then you know what he said to me he said, "I hate you too right now!" I felt like I got struck by a bolt of lightning for I never done anything at all except be hit kicked screamed at and mentally torchered for years and I was to be hated too, at that moment I knew I was done for good.

  8. Son, yes all that happened but at what perspective. Mine was a $10,000 legal battle where I got custody first, then after you moved to Indiana I was hospitalized for the first time in the psych ward for two weeks. At the VA, that is the longest they will keep you. After that I went on not only not being able to hold onto you and your brother...b/c I was so out of my mind and somewhere inside...another God thing where he did for me what I could not do for myself...You wanted me to be honest.

    I fought in court for two years, spent $10,000, accused of 7 counts of child abuse...and after finding now evidence there were no I understand also that this is Perspective Check Time(PCT)...

    I did fight for you...I just did not know that I brought the rest of my experiencing the battle...I am sorry you remember when we, you and I were...we were inseparable...before I left to go to and I were the best father and son team...I never lost that sense of connection with had changed b/c of the way I treated you from the ages of 4-9. I know...I admit that I was a terrible father to you at that age. I wish I could take it back...

    The only thing I can do now is be the best I can in a role model. I want to help us reconnect that emotional connexion we have, you are supremely gifted in this...

  9. Ok, I'm jumping in here. I have stated in other things on this sight of some-I say some-of the events that happened. Yes there were several calls made to child abuse because the boys were being hit on all the time, by either their father or his girlfriend-2nd wife. Some calls I made, I had no choice because, God in Heaven knows their dad wouldn't listen to me when I tried to talk to him about it. Other calls were made by other people to whom I have know idea but, if they saw some of how I saw my boys looking when I picked them up from his house, no wonder they called.
    Please understand I don't want to make this a custody arguement, the kids are grown now. However; this is supposed to be an honest tell it like it is kinda thing. So, I'm gonna tell it jus like that.
    I faught for 10 years an almost a full 5 years before that for my sons. I had know intentions of keeping our boys from their father as long as he got the help he needed. But, he did not do it. He was violent with them, he neglected them-leaving them outside in 90 an 100 degree weather. They came home from a weekend at his house in the summer one time with 2nd degree sunburns because, he made them stay outside all weekend. They would have to sneak into the house for a drink water. When they were at his house, he would be in his bedroom with his door locked the whole time they were there. It jus goes on an on. I will tell more at a later date. But please, let's be honest here. If its gonna work you have to be honest.

  10. As far as was never awarded to their father, not once...we always had joint custody until I moved to indiana...I got full custody then because he wouldn't go to get help like the judge was telling him to do. That's all I wanted. I really wish they could've had a better relationship. I wanted my kids safe. It simple really....

  11. Well yes I know you had partial custody or whatever until round about that time.But I do not want to talk about that here it is over done so what its time to move it was years ago.Anyways yes the physical abuse ended around when I was or nine or ten and I remember bed things happing when I was younger than four not really sure how much younger, like when we lived at our old apartment with all the fish tanks.It was there I seen you hit mom and where I would yell at you then run because you would come after me.
    Anyways just because you was accused seven times does not mean it did not happen more, the hitting that is.I remember I whole lot more times that happened.You also let your ex wife do the same.
    Then later on after I was nine you would tell me you love me then you would leave.Sometimes for months and a few years there would be no word at all.That is when stalking first came into play as soon as we moved to Indianna.This continued for years it is a form of mental abuse, or so I have read.Telling me you love me when I felt none is abuse in my opinion your word is your bond I thought that then and now without it you are nothing.So yes that took its roots deep in my hate.Then the time I was around 13 or 14 you came back with promises of a renewed relationship for a while, then drugs came into play and it was done.Then we had the arguement listed above in an older post.So yes in my opinion I was
    screwed around with longer a lot longer.

    Well let's say a big factor of how I am today and shield my emotions is because of you.Is it a curse I don't think so its a blessing in disguise now it takes a lot to hurt me mentally I am hard to break and be beat into the ground.I refuse to be hurt repeatedly now.I am not close to people I do not freely trust most anybody it takes years to gain my trust.Some would say all of this is self destructive but I disagree it has worked for me, defined who I am today I am proud of me of who I am.Yes a gift of mine is my iron clad will a careful examination of people as a whole and my perception and my mind.All I can about that is time will tell.

    For the record I wish to say again I do not hate you anymore I let that go shortly after I turned 18 as I stated before, it felt like the weight of the world fell off my shoulders and I was standing before you, and for the first time in my life I felt pity for you for what you had done to my mother,brother and myself.I knew my hate was done when I felt sorry for the root of endless days of pain my father.A new chapter started in my life that very day I would fight to never carry the burden of hate again.

    I will add more to my story.

  12. Well today I am past it the pain that is I was long ago.I can drop people from my heart and bury every feeling for them that is how I deal with anguish still do as a matter of fact.I have suffered my whole family has suffered now that's in the past.Sometimes I feel the darkness trying to resurface to life these past few years but its been kept under control up to this morning so far.

    I am over the pain I just wish to talk about it now.I think some things have been hard to read but it was hard to experiance too.So bare with me as I have overcame so much it will not be to much, in the bible it says the Lord will never put a load on somebodys shoulders they cannot carry, not with those exact words but the same meaning so this can be done.

    As I said I am at peace with it now.I am ready to talk about it with anybody who will listen.I just hope the dark cloud I always see looming reguarding this does not fall again, I pray to God it does not fall.There is peace ut should be kept that way I cannot and will not suffer again.Thanks to the people supporting us I will answer any post when I log back on.May God bless you all.

  13. Anthony, You are not an experiment and never were. I wanted you as a son from the moment I heard you were to be born. Yes, I asked you to write here. I wish for you to continue. I need you here and wish to continue healing our relationship. I owe you my life more than once and have never honored you with that. I betrayed your trust when I came back home. I treated you like you had no soul...

    Anthony, you have been a model of emotional conviction and principled behavior and both have been in harmony. I am proud of you for mastering what I still have yet to do. It further honors me that our conversation have influenced you and I cherish it.

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