July 22, 2010

My Story Will Shatter the Jarhead Myth of the 'Bloodless War' of Desert Storm

An A-10A Thunderbolt II aircraft flies over a ...
Image via Wikipedia
It has been almost 20 years and I have finally healed enough and wish to share my war experience. My story will shatter the Jarhead myth of the 'Bloodless War' of Desert Storm.

I am a Combat PTSD Veteran of the First Gulf War, I saw hectares of blood stained sands strung as the death clock clicked, chimed and claimed 45,000 lives. I lay witness, on point for the 3rd brigade of the 1stAD and beheld the 20,000 lives my unit snuffed in three bloody campaigns that lasted 100 hours. I drove for 172 hours straight without sleeping, yes that's 7 days, on drugs they force me to take.

I wish to dispel the myth of my war and make a movie about it. It was the biggest over land tank battle in the history of war and our enemy had no chance of winning, yet they met our glare as our bullets and bombs fell their own. I took no pleasure in directing hellfire knowing full well people would die.


  1. I apologize for posting this here but I would love to email with someone here that can help me understand how to help my friend, who is a Iraq Vet. I have looked at other sites and I see alot of people saying "a relationship with a PTSD Vet is impossible, just walk away while you can, etc". I don't believe this is true and I have sat and done research on how I can help him.

  2. Tonya, a relationship is never impossible with a Combat PTSD Vet. Like any relationship, it will have its ups and downs. I will say this, you must be willing to accept the major ups and downs because they are MUCH different than a normal one. It frustrates me because I wonder how many Vets would have been better off if their families had stuck with them? In most severe cases, there is no other option but I have seen some spouses run for the hills at the first sign of trouble without ever going to counseling or seeking help. If you educate yourself, arm yourself with the ability to see it through to the end and can take in stride the bad days....they are able to love and sometimes that's what they need the most. Unconditional, non-judgmental, pure love. That is just another stupid label that is hung around our Vets necks. Obviously you care for this person or you would not be asking. Just understand that the relationship may not be as giving as you want it on his part, but that is not his fault. Good luck....

    S~ I would so watch this movie. This isn't the first time I have heard that the Marines made people take drugs.

  3. Thank you Mistress, nice advice you gave thats what we do here, good job!

  4. Uncle Sams Mistress, I can not tell you how much your posts have helped my in the past few months. My guy was sent home with (according to four of the top Specialist in Atlanta) the worst case of PTSD they had ever seen. I wish I had known about PTSD before because when I look back over the four years we where together he showed signs of it the whole time, I just didn't know better. He tried to kill himself this past Christmas, and when, I called 911 went with the medics to the hospital to get some help. When the state decided he was a danger to himself they committed him to the state ward. He then told me to pack my bags and leave our home and our life that we had built together. I went from want now understand to have been a caretaker and partner to nothing I lost it and almost committed suicide my self. I would have stayed with him forever and wanted to help and be there for him till death do us part. PTSD was not deterrent from the love I had for this man. It was the hot line number on this web site that helped keep me here. Your posts have helped me understand what was happening and I wish I had known about this site before. But you cant go back and I am grateful for the knowledge and healing that your honesty has brought me. I am now on my (long) Journey to becoming a Therapist to help these men and women, and their families. I am going to do everything I can to help and to try and make a difference. Thank you again!

  5. Rebekah,

    I am so sorry that you went through all this. Do take to heart that none of this was your fault. The fault lies in the military for not preparing us as family members to take on such a beast as PTSD. We are often times trying to help when sometimes all we have is ignorance to back us up. Now before you think I am calling you ignorant, DON'T! There is a huge difference in ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance is because we aren't taught something and have no knowledge. It wasn't something we could readily access or call a number and say hey, what do I do? Stupidity is when you have the knowledge, and you just refuse to use it. Ignorance on what was going on with my husband made me who I am now. I hate to admit that I could have been so blind to so many things, but it just happens as I had no knowledge. You know they don't send us "Your loved one is so screwed up" user friendly manuals in their back pockets when they are sent home. If he had such a severe case of PTSD there probably wasn't much honestly that you could have done honey. In some cases, the Veteran is just so lost there is no turning back. The point is you are on your way to healing yourself and taking that one mistake and turning it into something extraordinary! Your wanting to be a therapist will give back to so many lives what you have lost and what your veteran lost. From ashes, we will rise again like a Phoenix. The journey may be long but I have the up most faith that you will accomplish your goals of self-healing and your work. If anytime you read something I have posted here or on my blog, and you have something to add, please do! Often times I can be biased in what I speak about because I can only speak from my experience. In your case, you have endured much more than I so you will have a different insight. I hope you find peace within yourself and you will have a cheerleader from TN rooting you on your mission. Hugs,

  6. Rebekah, so few people realize their purpose so early in life. The love for your veteran was not for naught, he brought you to a critical juncture in your life. You have been so profoundly affected by your veterans PTSD and his full retreat that it has changed you.

    Welcome home Rebekah, when you treat your veteran clients I would like you to take this with you. For a combat veteran, coming home is more than a saying or an expression of desire and need. It is the recognition of how profoundly we have been altered, when a Combat Vet says welcome home to a brother or sister.

    The dissociative nature of Combat PTSD fractures us so severely we will have literal moments when we wake up from our fog of war and interact as we were before war.


Please share your comments, stories and information. Thank you. ~ Scott Lee