30 Confirmed Kills: Surrender Hill Part 3

Healing is not fluid. Sometimes it happens in jagged forms; one step forward and three giant leaps back. I have part 3 of one of my war time trauma accounts to share with you, Buddha said, "Do not believe what I say just out of respect for me, but test it out yourself, as if you were buying gold." This resonated within me for reasons I have recently surmised; for a combat veteran with chronic PTSD we feel as if we must test everything in our world. It is in how we test ourselves that we may find the best use for our most intimate encounters in life.

Note: This trauma account is not heavy combat yet.

My notes pick back up from April 15, 2011:

Our 3rd vehicle opened fire strafing the hill. This was our first contact with the enemy, I was horrified that we had just taken lives, but also relived that we had not taken casualties ourselves - my god - I felt pride in doing my job, that I saw or was the first to see the enemy [this has got to be part of the core of this issue, the pride I felt at being first and saving our guys - which was what I did - saving my guys from the fate of the marines from the day before]

More to come on what all this means and the connections I make today...