Esteem manifests in an outward appearance of honor and moral mastery, integrity and humility as others would know a consistency of character established through words, deed and actions (A Prisoner of My Beliefs).
My older brother was on the 33rd floor of the towers….We watched the TV frozen, numb and praying against all odds (9-11, A Day I Will Never Forget).
In combat this defensive mechanism, or "tool of death", works well and allows a device within the person to eradicate the enemy who has been assigned a wholly less than human label of demon, enabling denial of the "killer" in us and identifying the burden of blame on its adversary as due adjudication (Soldier's Heart, the Swiss Army Knife of Death).
The concentric circles of influence radiate outward while becoming increasingly formal and incrementally lacking of freely given trust….while out of necessity the body becomes separated and fixated to the immediate arena of kill or be killed. The mind resets the linkage of attachments from the ruble of comfort, contentedness and connectedness to the raging fight for life (Personal Attachments, Before and After Combat).
For me it was more of a forward frontal facade that forcefully identified me more so than conversely while surrendering my personal power (Shadow Persona).
They are not proud of the things they will share with you, do not tell them that you are proud of them in these moments for this is a judgment. Deep down they know it is not their fault, this to is a judgment…Tell them soothing things that a mother would tell her son or daughter when he or she comes running home and crying.…There, there, it’s ok, it’s ok… (What To Say To Your Soldier or Veterans Who Confesses Their Sins of War).
We consider ourselves to be the lucky ones who have somehow learned to suppress that part of the night, where the unlucky of us find the terrors of the dark as they can no longer fight these enemies who have no feel or flight (PTSD, boundaries and a Welcome Home).
February 15, 2009
Hey, You Can Quote Me On That
More teasers and words that pour out of my twisted mind, enjoy.
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Hi Scott,
ReplyDeleteI remember that day all to well. And I thought it would get better over the years, but I still don't like that time of year. I wrote a little about my experience a while back at http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-OFyyu9o8cqXNjNUiROgOIw3.xUxj?p=31. I was talking to Vicky the other day about it and I found myself tearing up uncontrollably. When I think of all the innocence that was lost that day, it really saddens me. When you write about PTSD, I can feel where you are coming from. I relived that day, EVERY DAY for 2 years. Its more manageable now but I still have my times. Seeing people as they jumped from the upper floors jumping to a sure death, just to get away from the smoke and flames. When the first plane hit, even though I was in the other building I felt a burst of heat rush through the office, a moment later the temp felt normal. Added to that feeling was the jolt in our building, It made me very uneasy. Moments later not realizing what had just happened, I begin to see the sky completely littered with burning debris as I looked behind me through our office window. I hope to never have to live though that again.
That day will remain as the biggest reason I've taken steps to be true to myself. Many things in my life have changed since then. But that day is etched in my head as a day to NEVER forget.
Hugs Michelle
Be true to yourself, Live Authentically!