I am a combat veteran of the first Gulf War and have been living with the debilitating effects of Combat PTSD for 19 years. I am 30% service-connected for PTSD and will soon receive an increase of at least 50% if not 70%. I have been under a psychiatrist and therapy for the last 5 years and still keep getting worse, I have flashbacks and hallucinations - both audio and visual continuously, I can tune it out sometimes but it it still swirling around me all day. I feel the need to hurt myself and other people, the anger and rage has returned along with the PTSD monster - I need help, I am asking for help. I keep asking for help and they give me another appointment.
I have an appointment on Sept 2 to sign papers for admission to an inpatient program, both my doctor and therapist think I need to go. But, from research I have done the waiting lists for most VA inpatient hospitals are beyond 2 to 4 months. I cannot wait that long, I need stability now. My mind is playing tricks on me, it is descending into oblivion and I can see it playing out over and over. The vivid combat scenes rage through my head, rolling along the crushing weight of treaded metal - fire ablaze everywhere. I should not be alone with my thoughts, but here I'll sit. Because I fear to take myself with me when I go anywhere.
I need a stable holistic environment to heal in, I am seeking help...I do not know if I can hang on much longer.
Dear Scott,
ReplyDeletePlease give me a call. You know I'm always here for you. We've been through a lot of shit together and I won't pretend to know everything that you are going through. But I can tell you the shit I went through after 9/11 was no party either and that I will always be here for you.
Your loving Sister,
Michelle
Dear brother Scott,
ReplyDeleteI am a veteran, but my ptsd stems from a series of events that happened long after I was out of the military.
We lost our home, our jobs, our hope and faith. The gunshots left wounds in our bodies, but they are paper cuts compared to the mental anguish and ptsd effects.
I fully understand the frustration of trying to deal with the V.A. waits. We have been left to fend for ourselves for the most part. One of the best things we did was move... get out of the United States.
We live in Costa Rica now. We have been blessed to meet many healers and have been saved by good people with different approaches.
We are trying to create the holistic refuge that you seek. It is a part of what we all must do to heal... help others. I believe the whole world has ptsd. May I learn to find the blessings in the experience and help others/the world to find peace and clarity.
Thank you for this space... thank you for the positive diffence you are making.
on the path ... papa rc
Forty years ago, my friends returned from Vietnam with hidden wounds. Since that time, PTSD has meant something to me. Recently, I read a story about a returning veteran so full of anger, that he wanted to get a pit bull puppy. His journey, healing and proaction are the subject of the following: http://petpalpage.blogspot.com/2010/12/therapy-dogs.html
ReplyDeleteI hope everyone reads this. So many lives.