I am a combat veteran of the first Gulf War and have been living with the debilitating effects of Combat PTSD for 19 years. I am 30% service-connected for PTSD and will soon receive an increase of at least 50% if not 70%. I have been under a psychiatrist and therapy for the last 5 years and still keep getting worse, I have flashbacks and hallucinations - both audio and visual continuously, I can tune it out sometimes but it it still swirling around me all day. I feel the need to hurt myself and other people, the anger and rage has returned along with the PTSD monster - I need help, I am asking for help. I keep asking for help and they give me another appointment.
I have an appointment on Sept 2 to sign papers for admission to an inpatient program, both my doctor and therapist think I need to go. But, from research I have done the waiting lists for most VA inpatient hospitals are beyond 2 to 4 months. I cannot wait that long, I need stability now. My mind is playing tricks on me, it is descending into oblivion and I can see it playing out over and over. The vivid combat scenes rage through my head, rolling along the crushing weight of treaded metal - fire ablaze everywhere. I should not be alone with my thoughts, but here I'll sit. Because I fear to take myself with me when I go anywhere.
I need a stable holistic environment to heal in, I am seeking help...I do not know if I can hang on much longer.