Unconditional love is to surrender, it is faith in the other and spontaneity unleashed, it is emotional freedom and nurturing of the spirit. All of these things we had to shed before combat; we had to be steadfast, precise and deadly - the exact opposite of unconditional love. Now we are conditioned to it and operate from a Combat Values structure, which can leave our family and loved ones attachments broken. We can experience these states of mind and spirit again, but usually in spurts and sputters. We will develop a set of Signs to warn of our emotional states, we came home in spirit as Warriors and will forever be.
It may take time to learn your veterans triggers, warning signs, and different ways of coping depending on their stress level. When stress levels are high your veteran will be operating from a Warrior Persona and defensive operational procedures will be exhibited. If you keep killing yourself from expectations of your Vet during this time, resentments can build and interfere with your subconscious intentions and interactions with her. If you expect him to call all day and he doesn't - then you have made yourself feel like shit; self made suffering. Many times we will operate from our expectations, intentions and resentments and we must constantly check ourselves for these three relationship wreckers.
When stress levels are high; Expectations, Intentions and Resentments – The 3 Generals of Chaos (3GC) – This Triad of Chaos can wreck havoc on communication, understanding and empathy; Expectations erects barriers between people. Intentions fortifies those walls and Resentments assails those defensive barriers just because they are there. Reason becomes absent, logic rules and only applies to those who can wield it with surgical precision to serve Righteous Indignation, Defamation and Demoralization. – A false belief system maintains a Defensive State of Mind and creates a culture of aggression; providing the fuel for chaos, discord and strife. More on this later…
January 4, 2012
November 5, 2011
To the Combat PTSD Caregiver
Reach out to other spouses in your area or online to help educate and support one another. There are many benefits you can apply for today such as the Caregiver Benefit of service-connected veterans. An organization I highly recommend is Family of a Vet, you can find their link on the upper right hand of this blog.
When things between you two become confusing it is due to his perception of reality has been profoundly shaken. Everything he thought of himself has been shattered to the core including his spirit. I often speak of coming home in body starting as we disembark the aircraft to our home soil. Coming home in mind is a completely different experience and mine happened when I was able to be present all day without dissociating or loosing time to spacing out. This happened in 2010 twenty years after my combat experience. I still loose time, in the last several months my stress level has risen and remained constant and my dissociative features of Combat PTSD have been kicking.
Know that when his reality has been high-jacked, you are the means of his reality testing. When this other reality bleeds over into yours, it is real in his mind. Knowing this will help you communicate with him, his comments or behavior can give you clues to his mental state and in what reality his mind thinks its in.
When my kids where around and I was having hallucinations I included them sometimes as combat operations. To them they were playing war with dad, to me the intensity was dulled. I was able to tether myself to my kids and not succumb to the all encompassing flashbacks where the reality of today disappears as the horror of yesteryear rains.
He is in there and will come home in mind when he is ready, his mind trying to sort out the absurdity and brutality of war. It is a long process. I want to thank you for your spirit and knowledge seeking to understand your veteran, you are important to him if he doesn't say it. That's that part of him that cannot reconcile war, killing and the sacrifices your family experiences daily. This part of him is broken, how can we use something effectually rendered inoperable? You are in my prayers.
When things between you two become confusing it is due to his perception of reality has been profoundly shaken. Everything he thought of himself has been shattered to the core including his spirit. I often speak of coming home in body starting as we disembark the aircraft to our home soil. Coming home in mind is a completely different experience and mine happened when I was able to be present all day without dissociating or loosing time to spacing out. This happened in 2010 twenty years after my combat experience. I still loose time, in the last several months my stress level has risen and remained constant and my dissociative features of Combat PTSD have been kicking.
Know that when his reality has been high-jacked, you are the means of his reality testing. When this other reality bleeds over into yours, it is real in his mind. Knowing this will help you communicate with him, his comments or behavior can give you clues to his mental state and in what reality his mind thinks its in.
When my kids where around and I was having hallucinations I included them sometimes as combat operations. To them they were playing war with dad, to me the intensity was dulled. I was able to tether myself to my kids and not succumb to the all encompassing flashbacks where the reality of today disappears as the horror of yesteryear rains.
He is in there and will come home in mind when he is ready, his mind trying to sort out the absurdity and brutality of war. It is a long process. I want to thank you for your spirit and knowledge seeking to understand your veteran, you are important to him if he doesn't say it. That's that part of him that cannot reconcile war, killing and the sacrifices your family experiences daily. This part of him is broken, how can we use something effectually rendered inoperable? You are in my prayers.
October 1, 2011
Combat PTSD Prayer
God, my faith had been lacking this last year and yet you still hold me in your hand. I curse your plan for me and tell you that I am not ready and you bless me further. I resist the path with detours and you place Angels in my life to guide me back. I have ignored you long enough, thank you God for the blessings in my life and I pledge to work on my humbleness and thankfulness to honor your presence in my life. When the darkness threatens to engulf me, I will turn to my faith. I love you God, Amen.
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