June 18, 2010

Ex-wife and Combat Vet Talk 20 Years Later

Lotus flower and om symbolImage via Wikipedia
Positive said,
Scott, please don't misunderstand that I only fear that you may regress. I'm very concerned that when you get angry you may regress into what you were. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. It wasn't meant to. I'm just concerned. When you get angry, you tend to spiral in a downhill motion that lasts days, weeks, or sometimes months and years. I just don't want to see that again. Being aware of some of the things you have done when you're in that state of mind, I truly don't think I can be at fault for being concerned about your frame of mind when your that angry. You were angry-and told me you were very pissed, I told you to get on your blog and let it out-that's why I was so concerned. I just don't want all of us to have a remake of what once was.

When you and [Our son] had the argument, it hurt me. I knew it was bound to happen. [Our son] has had so many emotions built up inside him for so long, it was inevitable he was going to explode one day. In time he will come around. Until he does, let's just try to continue what we're trying to do. I'm trying to help him threw this to the best of my ability. Its not easy but, it is things he needs to hear. He has to deal with it in his own way. We are all different and, all of us handle situations differently. Yes, he is back with his girlfriend now. I'm happy about that. If the blow-up hadn't happened he may not have been. In saying that maybe it needed to happen. At some point, however; it was destined to happen anyway.

I sincerely hope that you never let yourself regress as far as you did in the past. Its my fear that one day you will. I hope it never happens, not ever.

The boys and you have finally been talking for about 3 straight years. I'm happy about that. They always needed you-even if they didn't know it. This is just something that had to happen between you and [Our son]. I'm deeply sorry it happened the way it did.
My response,
I am torn between feeling relieved that people are listening to you about this and reeling from the fallout. Yesterday was part of this fallout, I'm sure you have heard.

I know this is beneficial to all, even if it hurts a lot now. The truth will give our family the tools to succeed, for without knowing where they lie then we will trip over them in the dark. Remember all trauma will leave a mark on the soul and at times this can color the story of a shared reality making it so that neither has a firm grasp on actual reality.

I have to say, I do not remember most of what you say happened. I understand that does not mean that it did not, what happened to you was real.

You and the Mistress have both said when we go into those moments where our civilian self exits and our combat self emerges we become someone or something else. Her last post and comments following carry a similar message where she has the realization that the man she married is still in there. Please read it, it may help you piece together your narrative.

Good luck, please Positive be gentile with me at this time. While I am not going to revert to all of my old ways, I am in a great amount of pain from the fallout. Really, it is probably more due to my guilt that I have been burying for 20 years. I talk about my childhood as being the worst. What I was trying to do was embellish that so that I could say, "Hey that was worse than war." Well I'm here to tell the world that NO, war is worse than any childhood.

A bad childhood can only help one become a better killer in combat, but it was combat that made me dangerous to my loved ones, not my childhood. My childhood made me a thug, war made me a monster.

Today I am not that monster, I am more the me you knew before war than I have ever been in my life. The reason I say we come home everyday from battle is the me before war everyone in a while will wake up...like it was 20 years ago, and ask myself is it over yet? I swear to God it is like I woke up from a coma and the year is still 1989 and time has stood still. It is so scary...I'm fucking balling again.

Those moments used to turn into all out war for the monster, but today I know the fog of war will pass as I wait patiently for it to vaporize.


  1. Got to remember some veterans like the Vietnam veteran were portrayed by the media as less than human when they returned home which caused them to clam up and not trust anyone. Did this judging go away? You be the judge.
    Have a good friend who is a Vietnam combat veteran and tried to get into the R.I. Combat Veteran Motorcycle Association but was denied membership by another veteran who was the state rep of this assn. This VNam combat vet met every condition in order to get into this veteran organization on two wheels but would not be prospected. The CVMA claims it does not prospect but the R.I. chapter 9-1 makes one wait for membership in order to judge who wears their COOL patch as the arrogant state rep puts it. The National CVMA was notified of this problem and did nothing to rectify it. The Vietnam vet was awarded the CIB and other awards, plus he has a honorable discharge. What is the CVMA afraid of by letting a real combat vet in their ranks?
    Thought the days of judging Vietam veterans were over but I guess not.

  2. No, those days are not over. I get it all the time from people.

    Welcome home

  3. Nope...I heard comments about this same organization at the Vietnam Veteran's Homecoming. When the lights went down, and the "onlookers" left...there were some pretty interesting conversations! What a shame.

  4. Shame on Veterans treating a Vietnam Veteran the way Mr. Marabello was treated. The dues that this Veteran paid upon returning home from Vietnam like we all did is the reason why the Veteran’s of today are treated with honor and respect.
    Let me set the record straight here these Veterans need to apologize to Mr.Marabello in a public setting not behind closed doors. They will have to go a long way before they gain my respect. Respect and integrity go to those that stood behind Mr. Marabello.
    That is Veterans helping Veterans. This VFW state commander still needs to apologize for the false statements made by him. Mr. Marabello has my vote for a good job done for Veterans. Keep up the good work because there are a lot of true veterans that support your cause.

  5. In regards to the mud slinging going on about the CVMA, please folks get the whole story before accepting one persons word as gospel. This story (if googled) can be found all over the internet.

    Just another Vet and a CVMA member.


Please share your comments, stories and information. Thank you. ~ Scott Lee