January 21, 2009

Dissociation, Fructose, Insomnia and Escape

I was just having a moment of depersonalization and derealization, where I felt apart from self in away that I felt as if I was beginning to float above myself. No, I am not under the influence of any mind altering drugs. I am doing research on PTSD, mental health and veterans. It is 3:16 AM and I took my nighttime meds (100mg hydroxyzine and 1600 gabapentin) at about midnight and just ate four ice cream sandwiches (I know, I have to get a hold of this sugar addiction).

I am feeling kind of tired, and have been having insomnia for the past three nights. Four or five nights ago I had a nightmare that I tried waking up from and could not awaken myself So, that was a run down on where my mind set is right now, I am in a zone of dissociative self-states. I feel outside of myself, that my boundaries have been blurred. I think that I sometimes get caught up in feeling like this as a means to escape I realized this state of mind when eating the last ice cream sandwich and felt as though rising above myself, I looked down at my hand and it was out of focus. When I refocused and landed it back onto myself and felt the resolidifying of self


  1. What does this teach us about PTSD, Scott? How can PTSDers inhibit the dissociative state while it's in progress? Will staring at a single, solid object always help? Or is there some internal speak that goes along with that?

    Or maybe, just a good ole ice cream sandwich to remind us of the good things in life. ;)

  2. Staring at a single object, I do not think that will break the spell, just prolong the affect. I think maybe when I feed into to the dissociation before I go to bed then I can go to sleep and not dream (or at least remember them).

  3. Next Time give me a call. I'm always up for a cup of joe.

  4. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

  5. This makes me want to cry. Just hearing someone else know what I've been dealing with makes me realize how no one in my life will ever understand.

    I don't know if it's healthy, but I just accept the derealization. i find if i think about it too much it makes me anxious which perpetuates it.

  6. There is a way to break the cycle, awareness of these states of minds; learning our triggers, examining our beliefs, a willingness to engage and assert a mindful temperament without shutting people out

    {working on that one myself right now, I'm not calling people, not answering the phone - really pissing people off...so yeah I hear me...blah, blah, blah}


Please share your comments, stories and information. Thank you. ~ Scott Lee