January 9, 2009

Veterans and Problems With Attachments to Significant Others

We may not even be aware of the changes that have occurred in ourselves or home life, and could deny it all. If this happens, do not try and convince them otherwise as they may perceive this as an attack and shut you out emotionally. By giving him or her the information and time to process it you have done what you could for now.

It took many years before I felt that i needed help. By educating yourself on the psychological impact of war on the mind, you can encourage and support your soldier or veteran. We do not want to be coddled, but some understanding of our new way of thinking can go a long way in negating misunderstandings. Our fundamental thinking patterns have been altered and will take some time to adjust and reincorporate a different conceptualization into our lives.

In a combat environment overcoming the initial emotional crisis takes an fundamental alteration of our cognitive structure which closes off our humanity to engage in combat. We must develop a combat-values system with a preset conditional internal guidance system pre-programmed to engage within the "troop-organism." The squad level of interpersonal identification, an extension of the battle buddies self.

Being removed from the protective feeling that this state of mind brings, the troop can develop a deep feeling of loss and guilt combined with a profound solitary disengagement from others who they now cannot identify with. Going from a deep sense of belonging and protection the troop gets the feeling of facing the world alone, even in the midst of family and friends.

The splits in personal structures of the combat veteran or soldier, a recognition and extension of differing personal identifications of self along with partnerships with the battle buddies, individuality ceases to exist to engage the machinations of combat and killing. Reconciling this wound of the soul will take time.

Long after the war ends, the battle still rages.


  1. Thank you for this article,I have stumbled upon this site through browsing on the internet coz I have so many questions in my mind..I have a love one,a boyfriend who's currently deployed in Afghanistan,he's been away for a long time and we communicate via phone calls or text if time permits,your article makes me understand our situation more and makes me feel a sense of "belonging" coz not a lot of people in my circle understand why I wait for him faithfully this long (four years).I tell them ..I believe in true love and what he goes through over there is nothing compared to the sacrifices and emotional pain I go through over here...again thank you...I will not get tired reading your article over again..

  2. I am always grateful to hear from people who have been helped from my writing. Most people will never understand the gifts our soldiers give our nation. Your soldier needs to hear from loved ones at home, his knowing that you are home helps. So when you wish that you could do more, know that you are doing it by being there for him.


Please share your comments, stories and information. Thank you. ~ Scott Lee