April 15, 2011

Surrender Hill Part 2

Surrender Hill notes from March 7, 2011: Continues from PASP post dated April 14, 2011...come on people catch up! pwilmao -Pause while I laugh my ass off -I just laughed my ass off, that was funny...shesh.

At first I thought I was seeing things, but the images kept appearing on th horizon and I called it in. The adrenaline rush was immense; I remember my whole perception {shifted. It was surreal.}, I became...[I am becoming detached as I try and remember how I felt then. this was an event that had such a profound affect on my life - I feel such a deep sense of sorrow and loss - I feel as though I lost a piece of me back there and I want it back - crying as I write]

I became adept at my duties - again rationalizing- of course I became good at my job, my life depended upon on it. - That night I saw the people- the enemy on the horizon and called it in to my track commander, he in turn called in to our captain. {{this is important because I had judged myself unfairly in all or nothing terms, when in fact there was a chain of command and I acted according to rules of engagement and -- here I was struggling with how to frame my trauma and another veteran suggested this to me, "I along with others played a part in this unfortunate incident."}} CO told us to fire a warning shot - More background, the day before we had a report of the enemy acting like they were surrendering and once in range killing some marines, setting the stage for our encounter - We fired a warning shot, then [at this pint I am again detached while trying to discern my emotional state then]. {Once I reported it} We kept seeing the enemy on horizon, we fired two more warning shots, still the enemy advances. the CO gave us the order to fire on the enemy...

More to come.

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