I received this comment over at A Soldier's Perspective, on the post "
What to Say to Your Solider or Veteran Who Confess to You their Sins of War" from a woman that wanted to know what to say to her boyfriend on his latest tour,
My boyfriend of 6 months poured his heart out to me about his first deployment to Afghanistan back in 2001. It was a very emotional conversation and I just held hi close and listened to every thing he said. I've never felt so helpless before listening to his guilt and his pain. He was deployed to Iraq almost a week ago and I have no idea what to say to him while he's over there. I know not to ask questions abou the situation but is there anything comforting I can say?
My response,
By writing him he will know that you support him, this may seem insignificant to his situation, but has an enormous benefit to his morale. Your sense of helplessness was magnified due to his emotional outpouring, by being present with him you did everything you could do in that moment and the only action needed.
By being present in your writing you will convey your being to him, this can invigorate his day and bring him hope. Write about your day, tell him the funny thing that happened at work or the silly thought you had. Tell him that you had your hair cut and styled or that you had a bad hair day.
The most mundane things to you will be the most significant to him, give him a window into your world.
If you want to follow the conversation here at PASP,
click here
I completely agree with your post. When my boyfriend was deployed to Iraq, he never wanted to talk about what he was doing over there, but wanted to hear everything little thing about my day because it made him feel closer to home.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, they don't ever want to talk about their time deployed (things they did, saw, hear), and the most important thing is to be there for them letting them know if they want to talk, you're there for them. This has helped my boyfriend deal with being readjusted to civilian life after his honorable discharge from the Marine Corps.
Your insight into the world of PTSD fascinates me, and I would love to talk with you more. I am writing a blog about a veteran's life post-military and PTSD is one of the topics I hope to conquer in the near future. Check me out at http://itsaveteransworld.wordpress.com/. I look forward to talking with you further.