A Solider's Conviction, Why We Fight

Another reposting to bring forth knowledge to those who wish to understand their combat veteran.

My war was in 1991, fought against a invading force foregoing a countries self-determination and rule. A soldier has to believe that their cause has been a just one. For without this belief, war has become an act of tyranny and we amount to mercenaries. King Khalid of Saudia Arabia offered our commander in chief to pay each American soldier in the Gulf War I $1500, he refused as he should have.

I was proud to have served a noble cause of restoring a countries rights, borders and sovereignty. I had been awake fighting for seven days straight without any sleep and was upset when the cease fire had been called. We had engaged in three hard fought campaigns against the Iraqi Republican Guard, Saddam's best armored forces. We had their remaining Division cut off from returning to Iraq in a low lying basin, both opposing forces within firing range.

As we looked upon each other in anticipation, with our trigger fingers itching, we knew that this would be a heavy fought battle with many casualties. Both sides in a bid for life within a surreal cloud of apprehension, waiting for the order to fire.

A soldiers conviction carries them through the inferno of warfare, for a cause linked in faith to higher principles better enables the mind to rest within its self-preservation mode. Engaged by the confidence that our presence will be felt and fueled through our fealty to freedom for everyone. In moments like this, time stands still and listens to the call of the soldiers communion with all and none.

Combat Values Theory and the Veteran: A Marriage of Defensive Mechanisms and Role Switching

My readership has grown pretty steady in the last two years and I want to tell you that I am truly blessed to have people look to me for understanding when not so long ago I seriously lacked such perceptions. Soon I will have my 200th post here at PASP, Thank you for your continued patronage. I would like to bring some attention to some overlooked posts that I think will shed some light on a combat veterans thinking process, feelings, behaviors, reactions and interactions with others. I hope to bring forth an illumination into why we do what we do.

Photo by Scott Lee

Dichotomous Subdivisions Within the Subconscious, an existence without realizing our true nature results in a separation from reality and our connection to one another. An either-or duality dissociates discernment from reason leaving a fractured self. We cut up and separate rationalities in an attempt to preserve our sanity as the mind forms dissections to preserve and protect itself. The defensive mechanism overwhelms our thinking process and compartmentalizes our personality. The split in our mental reflections enables a combat veteran to 'role switch' from a killer instinct with no remorse to a loving and caring father with great capacity for empathy. For the combat vet this can become troublesome to dangerous when these roles begin to blur and wreck havoc.

Everyone sets up belief systems, a schema that enable us to react to situations as they arrive. By using this system of rules as a guide in life we can interact in society without having to analyze every aspect of our experience. We can convince ourselves that our ideology is who we are, when in reality living within our dogma cuts us off from a greater understanding and reaching our potentiality. The combat veteran's brain has invoked a divided self to ensure the integrity of the differing internal representations. His or her mind has been subdivided into incompatible subsections to deal with life in the clashing realms of their subconscious.

The Combat Veteran, Detachment and Dissociation

Absence of Prescence and Intimacy
You may or may not know that I am serving an internship in a legal setting. I have been struggling with the opening up and closing down myself along with keeping this separate from my interviews with clients, psychosocial reports and recommendations. Many of the clients I serve have similar backgrounds as myself, that being of course traumatization and retraumatization. The chronically traumatized person can become caught in a whirlwind of triggers, negative emotions and behavior while remaining detached from the environment and the reality of the situation.

When a survivor exhibits detachment from external stimulus and interactions, they have checked out and can remain in this state of mind for long lengths of time. Stressors within the environment that causes distress to the traumatized brain and can trigger the survivors disenfranchised memories, experiences and especially emotions. When this happens we lose a pivotal inner connection with ourselves and significant others. The loved one of a combat veteran can witness this disconnection in them by his or her facial expressions, body language and the absence of presence and intimacy.

Imagine the loss of this connection within yourself, the folding of the self inside out with this other self falling into an abyss. Continuously witnessing your central core falling and never losing site but knowing that, it, will fall forever. While doing this try and pay attention to someone in front of you when your perspective comes from a million miles away.

So, this what I am talking about. I started to write with the intention of explaining the process of opening up of the self to present during interviews and my work as a social work intern. I have trouble with the process of opening up concerning trauma, mine or others; its importance, where, how, when and the emotionality of the process, how to open up and close down. A disconcerted disconnection.