August 7, 2009

Hey, By the Way I Ran into the Dope Man Today

Yesterday I was running some errands to get ready to spend the weekend with my girlfriend. After I had picked up a prescription from Wal-Mart I was sitting in my car when a guy walks up to me pointing like he had always done. I looked thinking what and was immediately thinking defensively. When I looked up I saw my old dope dealer and was surprised, so to be polite I got out of the car and talked with him for a minute.

We talked about people we used to hang with and if we had seen any of them, I replied no but had actually had seen some of them. I felt guarded with this guy, not wanting to give him to much information about me. He asked where I lived and responded with a general area. He asked me what I was doing today and I was proud to tell him I am in my senior year of college. He seemed surprised, but changed the subject quickly. He did mention that the college campus would be a great money maker, with all the partying going on. I asked him was he working and his reply was "Oh yeah, 7 days a week." He asked me if I still was hustling, code for do you want any drugs to sell and/or use. I was also proud to tell him that, no I do not. But, their was conflicting emotions and the lure of getting high again. The wheels where turning in my head, a voice was seductively saying,
You know he has some weed in his car, all you have to do was ask for it.
Another voice was reminding me of how far I had come, to get high was to give up the esteem that I have earned. I was reminded of the cirlce of frineds I have and how they play a part in my descion making skills today. That my friends today lift me up and inspire me to new heights; they encourage and challenge me. The conflicts I have today with my friends comes from love, not petty resentments from unmet needs and expectations. In that moment I realized a deeper appreciation and understanding of what friendship entails and how it impacts my life. The foundation I have built steadied my course and enabled me to tell myself no, to shut off the negative voices and drive away feeling blessed.

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