April 20, 2012

What Keeps Me from Killing Myself Today

This answer keeps changing over the last 20 years, it used to be various family members and friends. This becomes too much for our caregivers if they alone bear that burden as I learned the hard way.
Today varying by degree this sacred duty I charge to select few friends whom I try and educate beforehand. But, the brunt falls to my dog Smokey. I've had him for almost four months an 80lb, 10 month old black lab. I am learning to train and looking for trainers to help me train him as a psychiatric service dog.

12 comments:

  1. A dog gives unequivocal love and comfort.

    When you look into his eyes, you will see your own value and a reason to keep going on - looking to the future.

    Hang in there. It took me a lot of years to get over the mild case I had - but, it DOES go away.

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    1. Smokey is my buddy, today he made me walk him in the rain which he loves to do. I did find some joy in watching him love it, lol. I'll be walking him again in the rain too.

      I've had chronic PTSD for the last 20 years, I'm not so sure it's going away and I am ok with that.

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  2. It's amazing the power that animals can have. They can take your mind off of things by being playful. They can help calm you by being calm themselves. They can also comfort by simply appreciating your attention. Animals can do amazing things without even knowing it.

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    1. They are intuitive and empathetic in ways most of us have forgotten to be. The lower my emotional threshold the better Smokey listens, in this way I maintain Smokey Safety. My therapist and I came up with the term for anything that keeps Smokey safe keeps me safe.

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  3. My sweetheart relies on his great beast, too. He can carry the burden so much easier than I....
    Though I try, it just is not possible for me to really understand. I count my blessings.
    Wishing you peace. I owe you an email about chia, as well!

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    1. I know he is a blessing to your family, thank you for the peaceful wishes. I had a peaceful day today on this mothers day.

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  4. I full agree with MSGT. I to had to learn not to be aggressive with my dog, who likes to talk back. He pretty much gives me the same aggression I show him which isn't good if you own a 80lb. Pitbull named lucifer.

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    1. I have learned to think of Smokey as my emotional mirror.

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  5. Amazing what those dogs can do for not just the Veteran, even for the other family members. I know when I am sad, or mad, I can hug and cuddle him, and I get a kiss and the yes I know mom look!

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    1. My Smokey makes my life better, he gives me something to consider other than myself. He keeps me on a schedule and makes me play with him out in the sun and rain and like it. He comes to me whenever I am sad or blue and wants to fix it by loving on me. He turns 1 tomorrow.

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  6. armywifeinboxersMay 29, 2012 at 12:26 PM

    Keep trusting in and leaning on Smokey and God, sometimes that is the only thing that helps.
    Stay Strong Scott. My hubby's PTSD journey is just 5 months in, and thank goodness we are now retired and Fred has Sam, our 10yr old Lab and Daysie, our 5 yr old Lab. I pray they help him, and others have their animals. Thinking of you and your struggles.

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    1. Thank you for the affirmations and do know that they help him, I see Smokey look at me when my pain exceeds my limits. His eyes pierce through as I am sure your dogs do for your veteran; he sees my pain and tries to do something to circumvent it.

      I see him trying to get me to play or walk and yes dogs do that anyway. But, when I am jacked up or emotional he will find a way to get me to play or walk even if we have walked 8 times that day or threw his squeaky toy 298 times across the apartment. He takes great care of me when I am dissociating and he has never been trained for it. I believe it has to do with his being traumatized also, we think alike lol.

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Please share your comments, stories and information. Thank you. ~ Scott Lee